Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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