I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
