pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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