There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
