the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
