the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
