Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
