Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
