If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
