If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
