i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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