I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
