Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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