no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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