You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
