Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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