I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
