so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
