I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
