Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
