Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
