I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
