Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Girls should come with a carfax report
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
