Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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