So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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