god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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