k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it's like iHOP with fire
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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