do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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