I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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