I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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