i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
