I'm gonna have a badass scar
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We left the knife in your bed.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
