I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
