Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
