So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
