my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
