it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
