Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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