im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
