u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
