so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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