No stitches, just platelets and will power
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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