Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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