Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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