I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
