yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
