We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
