things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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