Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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