i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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