At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
