what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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