The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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