i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
